Lizzie Retread

Lizzie Retread

Age: Worn-out (Children: six)

Favorite Book: Cheaper by the (half) Dozen

Favorite Hobby: Interviewing baby-sitters

Favorite Celebrity: Ethel Kennedy

Favorite Expression: Oh no, not again!

Favorite Movie: The Brady Bunch Movie

Favorite quote: "There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate."
(Source unknown)



At eighteen, Lizzie married her high school sweetheart, Dandy Retread, the school's star basketball player. After graduation he joined the family business, Next Year Used Tire Co. Lizzie and Dandy began to create their own team, and so named their first three boys Kareem, Magic, and Larry. When their fourth child was due, however, Lizzie put her foot down. "This time I want a Biblical name," she told Dandy, "something inspiring!" When twins arrived, they agreed on Isaiah, in honor of the Old Testament prophet, and Michael, after one of the seven archangels.

When the boys reached their teen years, Lizzie went to work at the Ye Olde Local Book Shoppe in order to help the family buy basketballs and sneakers, which seemed to wear out at an amazing rate. Quite unexpectedly, a sixth and final little retread arrived. Lizzie said that "Some of God's afterthoughts turn out to be small but great ideas." Dandy said, "Thank God! A last second save! Now the team is complete, let's name him Mugsy!"


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